'Neath the Ginkoes? Noxious Trees an Annoying Nuisance

As students at Trinity College, we are blessed with a beautiful, spacious campus, a rare feature in an inner-city college. One of my favorite parts of the fall semester is watching the leaves change along the Long Walk. Once October rolls around, I try to make sure my camera is with me whenever I leave my dorm so I can snap some pictures when the mood takes me. I take my time, enjoying the crisp fall breeze as I stroll through the Downes Memorial arch, inhaling the scent of leaves and grass as I approach Admissions.And then . I catch a whiff of something that smells distinctly of vomit.

The culprit is not, as you might suppose, the last vestiges of a late-night drinking binge, but rather that godforsaken gingko tree overhanging the path between Downes and Admissions. You might have noticed another near Mather as you pass by Clement on your way to the library.

Wikipedia calls the gingko biloba tree "a unique species of tree with no close living relatives." If they are anything like their gag-inducing cousin, I am about as unsurprised as one can possibly be. The gingko is apparently native to China, although it was thought to be extinct in the wild for several centuries. It is currently an endangered species. Yet again, I am totally unsurprised. Survival of the fittest: obliterating the gingko biloba tree since 1859. What chance does a stinky, ugly tree have in a world where human beings are constantly scrutinized for every imperfection?

Seriously, people. I want to know who thought it would be a good idea for these trees to be planted. They aren't all that aesthetically pleasing. They're awkward, narrow, and spindly, and they offer very little shade. Oh, and have I mentioned the stench? Those fruits they drop are actually the seeds, and when they've been rotting in the sun for a few days, they give off a really unpleasant odor.

I have to say, I'm really tired of holding my breath and speed-walking every time I have to pass those gingkoes on my way to the English Department or the library. I'm tired of people lifting their eyebrows at me as I attempt to tiptoe around the splattered remains of gingko seeds. I am tired, as Samuel L. Jackson would say, of these motherf-king trees on this motherf-king campus.

I don't care if they were a gift from a well-intentioned alum, or if they were bought by the Board of Trustees, or if Jesus Christ Himself came down from on high to plant them. Can the SGA pass a resolution to cut these overgrown weeds down and forever rid this campus of their stinky demon seed? Does anyone want to join my as-yet-unnamed vigilante taskforce dedicated to eradicating their pungent presence? I'm seriously this close to going all George Washington on those gingkoes, endangered species or not.

I am in no way condoning the premeditated destruction of an entire species, but come on. Chopping down a tree is in no way comparable to poaching the Bengal tiger or harpooning a whale. I'd be happy to plant more trees - I just want those gingkoes axed.