On-Campus Pub Would Promote Responsibility

While considering how to argue in favor of the proposed campus pub, I thought I would borrow from Peter Kempson's article on the subject, penned in the Nov. 27, 2007 issue of the Tripod (go to our outstanding Web site, trinitytripod.com, to read it). Kempson writes, "I think the idea of a campus pub is a supremely ." [insert: "good"] ". one." I applaud his opening statement. It eliminates the difficult task of having to write an introduction and gets straight to the thesis.

The idea is "supremely" good for several reasons. First off, look at the specific, intended purpose of the pub. It would be a place where students and faculty could assemble to interact socially while enjoying a choice beverage. Some argue that The Underground Coffee House and Peter B's already afford us such a space, but I disagree. After having persevered through a three-hour lecture on a Wednesday night, what professors are looking to sit down and unwind with a double latté? Unless they plan on pulling the proverbial "all-nighter," a libation of a different nature suits the situation better.

My next point concerns the message being sent to the students regarding alcohol consumption. Would the pub promote alcohol consumption by students? Absolutely, just as renovating the library promotes reading and studying. However, what's being promoted would not be alcohol consumption in the sense and quantity that are generally observed on Vernon Street. What is being promoted is the responsible consumption of alcohol as a compliment to interaction with fellow students and faculty.

The idea of a pub at Trinity is analogous to the countertop in my kitchen. When I was a little kid, whenever my mom returned from the store, she would unpack the carefully selected items and put them in their appropriate places. I was always keen to observe the placement of the doughnut holes, which were normally placed on the kitchen counter (if you don't like doughnut holes, substitute your ideal snack food, but also, seriously examine the damaging lifestyle choice you have made). Now, if I were to prematurely open the box, my mother would remind me that dinner was rapidly approaching and if I wanted to see any of it, I had better stop, lest I spoil my appetite. If I failed to heed her warning, the box would be relocated to the top of the refrigerator where I, in my knee-high stature, was unable to reach it. My mother, well versed in the power of doughnut holes, knew that at six years old, no mere mortal can open a box of doughnut holes and eat only one or two. However, every person reading this knows what I was thinking while I watched the doughnut holes ascend to the top of the fridge. "Just you wait, Mother. When you're not here, I'll get the stepladder. Better yet, I'll look through the couch cushions for spare change and buy my own!" After many stomachaches and ruined appetites, you would think I would have learned my lesson. But I haven't yet, so I don't hold out much hope. If my mother had permitted just a nosh of glazed goodness, perhaps I would have learned responsible eating and would not storm off in search of a stepladder or spare change after each rejection.

Got the analogy yet? If you don't, permit me to elaborate: the average student is unable to have one or two drinks because if some is good, more must be better, right? They're so excited to have superceded the "refrigerator top" that they're going to enjoy it all they can. However, my mother is not around to inform them that if they continue to drink in such quantities their dinner will be rapidly approaching (in the reverse direction, this time).

Right now, alcohol is sitting on top of the fridge. So, we scrape up some spare change, buy some supplies and retire to our various rooms and basements to have our fill (and then some). By allowing this pub, the school will effectively be leaving the doughnut holes on the countertop and setting an example of responsibility. Perhaps, as has been suggested, a three-or-so drink maximum may be needed to guarantee responsible drinking. As far as I'm concerned, the prospect of being around faculty members would be enough to curb the alcohol appetite of most students. More succinctly (but slightly less eloquently), as a friend of mine put it, "I don't want to get fucked-up around a bunch of my professors."

I'm not saying that I don't overconsume on occasion or vilify anyone for doing so. All I'm saying is that the pub provides a different type of alcohol promotion that is far less damaging to the health and safety of Trinity students than is currently available. Hopefully, students will see that it is possible to drink in moderation and remain functional. In fact, I've been sampling some of "the poor man's Coors Light," while writing this article (if it's reflected in the writing quality, I sincerely apologize). Lastly, as we know from Roger in the movie "Roger Dodger," "Alcohol has been a social lubricant for thousands of years." It is a means used to achieve the end of comfortable, enjoyable conversation. Who wouldn't want to sit down and have a couple Appletinis . I mean . uh . beers with his or her favorite professor? I know I would, I think it's a fantastic idea . supremely fantastic.

To conclude, I'd like to borrow from Mr. Kempson once more: "The Campus Climate Committee's report has many good ideas for how to overcome the difficulties that were brought to light last year, but ultimately we have to remember that alcohol can . help ."